Let them keep score!

There has been a movement for many years now which discourages or outright prohibits the keeping of a score in athletic competition.  Like many well intentioned attempts to spare the feelings of individuals, this movement also misses the mark.  Individuals who find themselves on the losing end of a score can and should learn some very valuable lessons about life and we must not keep our young people from learning these lessons at a young age so they can navigate life appropriately once they become adults.  Here are some of the lessons to be learned and taught.

1.    Compete to win.  Scripture says ““For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12.  Our children must understand how to compete and what to compete for; their eternal soul is at stake.  Athletic competition can teach an individual how to compete and the lessons can easily be transferred to the realm of spiritual competition.

2.    Know what the score is.  Knowing what the score is produces a myriad of emotions and feelings.  These can range from elation to desperation; all of which need to be channeled in positive directions.  If a child is never given the opportunity to learn how to manage success and failure at a young age, expect disaster when he/she fails to succeed.  Keeping score gives one the opportunity to know one’s status in the game, thus allowing for a planned response to events instead of creating the picture that “everyone is a winner,” which we know scripture says is not true (see Matt. 25:41-46).

3.    Learn the difference between failing and failure.  Thomas Edison made more than 10,000 attempts to invent the electric light bulb, but no one would call him a failure.  On the other hand, it’s a good thing no one told Edison after 5,000 attempts he was a success for “making such a good effort.”  Our children must learn the difference between failing and failure and there should be no confusion between the two.  Would anyone describe the Apostle Peter as a failure?  Yet he did fail.  He failed to stay awake in the Garden, he failed to remain at Jesus’ side and ran away with the others, and his pinnacle of failure came when he outright denied Jesus in the courtyard.  All of these are clear examples of failing, but he repented, was restored and went on to great success as a witness for Christ.  Judas, on the other hand, was a failure.  The difference between the two is quite clear.  All humanity can cheer knowing that Jesus didn’t just make a good effort and then died on the cross.  He rose from the dead and turned defeat into victory!  Children need to know that God can turn their failings into successes too.

4.    Understand the role of compassion.  All of us have seen the dejected look on the face of an individual who had just lost.  The movement to expunge score-keeping seeks to remove this look by pretending that everyone is a winner for just trying, but in so doing it fails to nurture the higher calling of developing compassion one for another.  It is important for children to recognize when someone is hurting and then be taught the skill of providing compassion and encouragement.  This is far better than telling children the hurt they feel inside isn’t really there since they tried so hard.  The heart knows better, so teach your child how to exercise compassion.

5.    Developing a work ethic.  I used to tell my sons, “If you don’t like the grade you received (in school) do something about it.” The same holds true for the score at the end of the game.  If one doesn’t like the score at the end of the game the only real option one has is to work harder to “do something about it.”  This is called work ethic.  How hard is one willing to work to achieve a desired outcome?  Failing to keep a score nurtures a work ethic which settles for less than ones best.  Why bother to work when “everyone is a winner” regardless of the effort put forward or the quality of the product produced.  Jesus showed us what work ethic is, should we and our children give any less?

I am certain that many of you can come up with additional lessons, but who’s keeping score?  Well actually, I am.

Can you hear the music?

Can you hear the music?  Are you listening to the music?  Are you paying attention to the music?  What music am I talking about, the music your child is listening to.

You can find out a lot about an individual by discovering the music he/she listens to.  Music has the ability to speak to and for others.  As a writer of music, I frequently pour thoughts and emotions into my music that I have no other way of expressing (safely).  I have seen my music both speak to and for others.  When I see another person brought to tears (literally) by what the music is expressing, I know this person has been reach and touched, a piece of me has been understood and accepted and vice versa.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time discovering many genres of music and each one spoke for me and to me in different ways.  It was interesting that my parents, whose music interests were for the most part shaped in the late 1930’s through the early 1950’s (basically pre-rock,) were equally caught off guard by my interest in rock and roll and classical music at the same time.  I would come home from the music store with a top 10 rock and roll 45rpm record (the small one with the big hole) in one hand and Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops playing the William Tell Overture on  a 33 1/3 album (the big one with the small hole) in the other.  I never did get the impression that they grasped how the music was speaking to me and for me.  Now, when I sit at my piano, write some music and then orchestrate it, I am speaking for myself, the music has roots and meaning, it’s not just dots attached to vertical lines, placed on horizontal lines.  If you listen carefully enough you will have a glimpse into me that no other opportunity will provide.

It is the same with the music that you and I listen to, and it is the same with the music that our kids listen to.  Listen carefully and you will get a glimpse inside.  Which of us, when listening to a piece of music hasn’t been whisked to a time and place in the past?  Which of us, when listening to a piece of music hasn’t experienced emotions long forgotten or buried deep within us?  Which of us, when listening to a piece of music, hasn’t experienced new emotions; emotions so attractive that we can’t help but explore them?  Which of us, when watching a movie, hasn’t been impacted by the musical score, which sets up the chase, the laugh, the heartbreak, the jump out of your skin surprise?  Music speaks, moves, alters, encourages, soothes, tells stories and so much more.

Can you hear the music?  Are you listening to the music?  Are you paying attention to the music?  What music am I talking about?  The music your child is listening to.  If you aren’t you may be missing moments to laugh with or encourage your child.  You may be missing the moment that he/she is trying to sort through those feelings about boys and girls.  You may be missing that your child is angry and depressed.  It’s right there before your eyes, if you only take the time to listen.