Figuring out bullying by doing the math: > , < , =

While there are many aspects to discuss when it comes to bullying, one of the best places to start is to use a simple assessment tool, it's called "doing the math." 

Whether we realize it or not, all of us walk around with a math symbol over our head and everyone we meet, whether they realize it or not, instantly reads that symbol and interacts with us accordingly.  The 3 math symbols represent the assessments made and the impressions given:  > (greater than), < (less than), = (equal too).   When a "greater than" interacts with a "less than" bullying is typically the result.  We see it between adults and we see it in the interactions of children.  So how does a "less than", whether adult or child, begin to level the playing field in the hope the bully will stop?

First, address body language.  When walking, stand up straight with your shoulders back and your head up.  Make your steps sure and certain, don't shuffle or move along with hesitation, look like you know where you are going (even if you don't).  When sitting, sit up straight and lean back in your chair giving the impression of benig relaxed and confident.

Second, make culturally appropriate eye contact.  Darting eyes or lack of general eye contact implies lack of confidence or embarrassment.  Let your eyes say you are confident and resolved, not angry or aggressive and not a mushy "puppy dog" look.  Keep you head up at all times.

Third, use the appropriate tone of voice.  Your voice should be calm and  resolved and with a steady meter.  Use a normal conversational tone.  Keep your hands away from your mouth when speaking.  Covering your mouth while speaking gives the impression you are hiding something or being unsure of yourself.

Keep in mind:  A. You are how you look; B. You are how you sound; C. You are how you react.   When you look like a "less than", talk like a "less than", and react like a "less than", you become a "bully magnet."

Teaching your children these simple informal communication techniques will take time, be patient.  With steady reinforcement and encouragement they will get it and you will have taken the first step to preventing bullying in their lives.  Employing these techniques in your own life will also take practice, but you will be amazed to see how individuals will begin to treat you as "equal too" or even "greater than" once you have mastered these approaches.