"Why?" the child said to the parent, followed by an answer, followed by another why and so on. Children can get behind the "why steering wheel" and drive you crazy with, Why? Why? Why?! But children aren't the only ones who ask why, adults do, too. The difference is the questions become much deeper in a search for meaning instead of the childlike search for facts and information (knowledge).
Children ask, "Why is the sky blue?" Adults ask, "Do I have a purpose in life?" Children ask, "Why does my tummy ache?" Adults ask, "Why did Susan have to die at such a young age?" Questions for knowledge, questions for meaning. There are, however, three questions that all individuals in the world ask and answer, whether they realize it or not. How these three questions are answered will determine how a significant number of life's other questions are answered.
Question #1
Is there a God?
This is the starting point. If one answers "yes" then the decision process that follows this answer will take a specific direction. If the answer is "no" then the individual has already answered the next two questions, for he has, in essence, determined that he is his own god.
Question #2
Who is God? (Obviously a question for those who answered yes to question #1)
There are many choices in response to this question. I have decided in my life that God is the God of Orthodox Christianity, which includes beliefs about Jesus as God and the Trinity. When individuals approach you and ask, "Do you believe in God?", it is always wise to ask for clarification, "Which God are you talking about?" This is vital since each choice has major ramifications upon all of life's deepest questions.
Question #3
Does God have anything to say to me personally?
Depending upon how one has answered the second question (assuming yes to the first question) the answer to this question will have a wide variety of options. As a theist Christian, my answer of course is, yes. The deist on the other hand will have a different response.
Because I have answered these questions as: 1. Yes 2. The God of Orthodox Christianity 3. Yes - I have answers to many of life's deeper questions. But don't be fooled. While God has clearly provided answers, he hasn't always provided explanations. For those, like the rest of humanity, I have to wait.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
What do children owe their parents?
What do children owe their parents? What an interesting question. Children are brought into this world by no will of their own. So on the one hand they owe their very life to the parents. On the other hand, because it was the parents' decision to have the child, it is the responsibility of the parents to provide for the child's welfare and upbringing. So, in a sense the child owes the parents nothing since the parents were simply carrying out their responsibilities. I think the answer to this question lies somewhere in the middle.
Every child owes his/her parents a debt of gratitude for the life they have been given, but a debt of gratitude should not be confused with a debt that requires repayment through subservience all his/her life. Yet this is what I often see parents asking for, or requiring of their children. In Christian circles the familiar verse of "Honor your father and mother" is usually called upon to justify this stance. But honor does not mean total, undying obedience. What is does mean is that children are to give respect to their parents. For non-adult children this respect usually takes on the form of obedience to legitimate instruction and direction. For adult children it should take the form of giving weight/consideration to the wisdom and counsel of a parent. It is especially important for parents to recognize that their adult children need to be free from the childhood expectations of obedience.
Let's look at another section of scripture to make this point. Ephesians 6:1-4, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Here we see it is right for parents to expect obedience "in the Lord." In other words obedience to legitimate instruction and direction. A child is under no compulsion to rob a bank at the instruction of the parent. A child is, however, compelled to "clean up his/her room" when told to do so. And there are limits on parental instruction. Fathers are told not to exasperate their children. Have you ever seen an adult child yearning for the respect of a parent only to be treated like a small child, even to the point of bullying and intimidation, threats and even physical violence? How is anyone to honor such a parent? The charge given to the father is to "bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Why? So the child can remain a servant of the parent forever? Of course not. It is so the child can become a full fledged man or woman before the Lord, capable of serving in whatever capacity God calls that individual to serve. Parents cannot accomplish this unless they train the child to be independent of the parents.
We saw the life of our children as having three stages. Dependence, independence, and interdependence. When they were born, they were completely dependent upon us for everything. One of our goals was to help them learn to be independent. As they grew we tried to impart this to them. We wanted our children to be good citizens of God's Kingdom and good citizens in our society. But the goal wasn't to teach the type of independence which leads to an attitude of, "I am master of my life and captain of my ship!" No the idea is to teach independence which results in interdependence. That is a relationship where both child and parent are mutually respected, trusted, considerate and helpful. That probably reads like blasphemy to some parents who will never see their children as equals, which is really very tragic because it is usually only after relationships are broken that many parents come to realize that in many respects our adult children are often the "adult in the room" and far superior to us.
If you had the type of parent who held everything ever done for you as a debt over your head, or you are that type of parent yourself, I would ask, "Did you not do what you did out of love for your child?" If you didn't, what a shameful way to have approached your parenting for you have encumbered your child with a debt he/she can never repay and put a wedge between you and him/her that will not allow for the love and respect that should exist between a parent and child. If you did do everything out of love for your child, then your child only owes you the debt to love in return. When a child loves you in return, there is no monetary or materialistic payment that can equal or surpass it.
So, what do your children owe you?
Every child owes his/her parents a debt of gratitude for the life they have been given, but a debt of gratitude should not be confused with a debt that requires repayment through subservience all his/her life. Yet this is what I often see parents asking for, or requiring of their children. In Christian circles the familiar verse of "Honor your father and mother" is usually called upon to justify this stance. But honor does not mean total, undying obedience. What is does mean is that children are to give respect to their parents. For non-adult children this respect usually takes on the form of obedience to legitimate instruction and direction. For adult children it should take the form of giving weight/consideration to the wisdom and counsel of a parent. It is especially important for parents to recognize that their adult children need to be free from the childhood expectations of obedience.
Let's look at another section of scripture to make this point. Ephesians 6:1-4, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Here we see it is right for parents to expect obedience "in the Lord." In other words obedience to legitimate instruction and direction. A child is under no compulsion to rob a bank at the instruction of the parent. A child is, however, compelled to "clean up his/her room" when told to do so. And there are limits on parental instruction. Fathers are told not to exasperate their children. Have you ever seen an adult child yearning for the respect of a parent only to be treated like a small child, even to the point of bullying and intimidation, threats and even physical violence? How is anyone to honor such a parent? The charge given to the father is to "bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Why? So the child can remain a servant of the parent forever? Of course not. It is so the child can become a full fledged man or woman before the Lord, capable of serving in whatever capacity God calls that individual to serve. Parents cannot accomplish this unless they train the child to be independent of the parents.
We saw the life of our children as having three stages. Dependence, independence, and interdependence. When they were born, they were completely dependent upon us for everything. One of our goals was to help them learn to be independent. As they grew we tried to impart this to them. We wanted our children to be good citizens of God's Kingdom and good citizens in our society. But the goal wasn't to teach the type of independence which leads to an attitude of, "I am master of my life and captain of my ship!" No the idea is to teach independence which results in interdependence. That is a relationship where both child and parent are mutually respected, trusted, considerate and helpful. That probably reads like blasphemy to some parents who will never see their children as equals, which is really very tragic because it is usually only after relationships are broken that many parents come to realize that in many respects our adult children are often the "adult in the room" and far superior to us.
If you had the type of parent who held everything ever done for you as a debt over your head, or you are that type of parent yourself, I would ask, "Did you not do what you did out of love for your child?" If you didn't, what a shameful way to have approached your parenting for you have encumbered your child with a debt he/she can never repay and put a wedge between you and him/her that will not allow for the love and respect that should exist between a parent and child. If you did do everything out of love for your child, then your child only owes you the debt to love in return. When a child loves you in return, there is no monetary or materialistic payment that can equal or surpass it.
So, what do your children owe you?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
The eyes roll skyward.
Little Patrick stands in the middle of a room that looks like a small tornado just passed through its middle. His mom steps in and is aghast at what she sees and demands to know, "What happened here?" Patrick stands there, half facing his mom, seemingly dumbstruck, but his eyes give him away. They dart to the left and then to the right, then slowly roll skyward as if the answer to his mom's question is on the walls or the ceiling. What is going on here should be plain to any parent with eyes of discernment to see. Little Patrick is calculating. Calculating you ask? Yes, calculating! Calculating what? His mom didn't ask him a math question? No, not that kind of calculating. Patrick is calculating risks and benefits. He is calculating, "Should I tell a lie and if I do what are the risks involved?"
We've all seen this familiar body language play out, we just don't always call it what it is. We think, "Ah, Patrick, got you, and now you are too embarrassed to even speak." Rubbish, give Patrick and his ilk time enough and the germinating thought will inevitably come out in the form of a lie. We see this even in the adult world, the eyes roll up and the glance moves away from the gaze of the questioner. Get ready a lie is about to be born in speech.
In the adult world the risks vary from losing a job to gaining a reputation as a snitch if you tell the truth, or many other potential outcomes. In the child's world the thoughts aren't quite as deep, but in the end the goal is the same for both the adult and the child, they just don't want to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Few things give evidence to the sin nature in our lives like lying. It was present in the Garden of Eden when the first sin occurred and it has accompanied every sin ever since. That's right. Every sin that has ever taken place in the history of mankind has always been coupled with a lie. The lie takes different forms and rationale, but it is always there. There is the lie that convinces us to go ahead with the act because, "you can get away with it, no one will know." Or how about the lie of, "It's OK everyone else is doing it." And then there is the one that says, "If you knew what he did to me..." or "Serves him right...", thus giving us permission to hate in a fashion that God does not permit. The fact is, lying is the most pervasive sin known to mankind and you will see it work in your life, and the life of your children, or grandchildren, or parents or grandparents, etc.
It is said: "Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action reap a habit. Sow a habit reap a lifestyle." It is this lifestyle that Jesus came to save us from. While the single act sin will always be present in our lives from one degree to another as we continue in the process of sanctification, it is not this single act that ultimately leads to God's judgement against us. It is sin the lifestyle that does that. The conscious choice not to obey God and lead a lifestyle he must and will condemn. The lie that says, "There is no God," or "I can live the way I want, after-all God is love and will not send me to hell," or "What does it matter, all religions are the same anyway." There is a reason why Jesus proclaims himself as, "the way, the TRUTH, and the life." (John 14:6) Truth is the only thing that allows God's love to live and work in our lives. Anything else is just a lie. Theologian Kevin Van Hoozer has defined sin as: "The denial of truth." I think that pretty well sums it up. Piece it all together. If we deny truth, we deny God's love the opportunity to live in us, thus we deny Jesus. Look at sin in the world around you and you will see the denial of truth (the lie) at work.
So the next time little Patrick looks skyward after being asked the question, "What happened here?" Let him know you can read his mind (through his body language) and tell him, I can see the lie about to come out. Let's have the truth and I will help you fight the lie.
We've all seen this familiar body language play out, we just don't always call it what it is. We think, "Ah, Patrick, got you, and now you are too embarrassed to even speak." Rubbish, give Patrick and his ilk time enough and the germinating thought will inevitably come out in the form of a lie. We see this even in the adult world, the eyes roll up and the glance moves away from the gaze of the questioner. Get ready a lie is about to be born in speech.
In the adult world the risks vary from losing a job to gaining a reputation as a snitch if you tell the truth, or many other potential outcomes. In the child's world the thoughts aren't quite as deep, but in the end the goal is the same for both the adult and the child, they just don't want to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Few things give evidence to the sin nature in our lives like lying. It was present in the Garden of Eden when the first sin occurred and it has accompanied every sin ever since. That's right. Every sin that has ever taken place in the history of mankind has always been coupled with a lie. The lie takes different forms and rationale, but it is always there. There is the lie that convinces us to go ahead with the act because, "you can get away with it, no one will know." Or how about the lie of, "It's OK everyone else is doing it." And then there is the one that says, "If you knew what he did to me..." or "Serves him right...", thus giving us permission to hate in a fashion that God does not permit. The fact is, lying is the most pervasive sin known to mankind and you will see it work in your life, and the life of your children, or grandchildren, or parents or grandparents, etc.
It is said: "Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action reap a habit. Sow a habit reap a lifestyle." It is this lifestyle that Jesus came to save us from. While the single act sin will always be present in our lives from one degree to another as we continue in the process of sanctification, it is not this single act that ultimately leads to God's judgement against us. It is sin the lifestyle that does that. The conscious choice not to obey God and lead a lifestyle he must and will condemn. The lie that says, "There is no God," or "I can live the way I want, after-all God is love and will not send me to hell," or "What does it matter, all religions are the same anyway." There is a reason why Jesus proclaims himself as, "the way, the TRUTH, and the life." (John 14:6) Truth is the only thing that allows God's love to live and work in our lives. Anything else is just a lie. Theologian Kevin Van Hoozer has defined sin as: "The denial of truth." I think that pretty well sums it up. Piece it all together. If we deny truth, we deny God's love the opportunity to live in us, thus we deny Jesus. Look at sin in the world around you and you will see the denial of truth (the lie) at work.
So the next time little Patrick looks skyward after being asked the question, "What happened here?" Let him know you can read his mind (through his body language) and tell him, I can see the lie about to come out. Let's have the truth and I will help you fight the lie.
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