Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are regularly referred
to as “The Holiday Season” and during that time a great deal of attention is
given to human romance, with wedding proposals often abounding. In fact, I have often heard of this time of
year being called “The Season of Love.”
With that in mind, I thought it important to say a few words about this
thing called “love” and what our kids (and adult acquaintances who still don’t
have a clue about such things) should be informed of, specifically in regard to
“knowing” when one is “in love.”
I remember a number
of years ago having lunch with some co-workers and listening to one of the
ladies at the table describe her frustration as she had recently tried to counsel
her daughter upon being asked, “Mom, how will I know I am in love?” After several failed attempts at provide her
daughter with helpful information concerning the “signs and signals” she told
her daughter she would “give it more thought” and “get back to her.” She then asked those of us at the table how
we would answer the question. Several
individuals provided encouragement and told her she was on the right track
since “there is no one proven way” to make this determination. Eventually, my silence became obvious and the
question was put to me. My answer, “Being
in or out of love isn’t something one tries to know or figure out. Being in or out of love is something one commits
to.” The former works off of emotion and
feelings which come and go, the latter is deeper and richer, it works from commitment
which does not depend upon external stimuli.
The latter says my love is not dependent upon circumstances; it is given
because I have chosen to do so. Such is
the love that God has for us and ultimately the love a husband and wife should
have for one another. To enter into a
marital or serious personal relationship without this understanding is always
less of a relationship than could exist and frequently is an unviable
relationship ending in brokenness and significant harm.
In February of 2013, I will have been married for 32
years. My wife and I could never have
made it this far if our marriage was built upon the feelings we first had when
we held one another’s hand. Not that we
don’t still enjoy such simple pleasures, but we have moved to deeper and richer
aspects in our relationship; a richness that can only come about through commitment,
keeping our word/promises and learning to trust.
If you have children at or approaching the point in life
where they are asking questions about love, or you know the adult who has never
learned about or fears commitment, take the time to explain the difference between
knowing and deciding if one is in or out of love. It may make the difference between a
relationship that is half full or broken, or a relationship that is filled to
the brim and lived to the full.
