The Season of Love

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are regularly referred to as “The Holiday Season” and during that time a great deal of attention is given to human romance, with wedding proposals often abounding.  In fact, I have often heard of this time of year being called “The Season of Love.”  With that in mind, I thought it important to say a few words about this thing called “love” and what our kids (and adult acquaintances who still don’t have a clue about such things) should be informed of, specifically in regard to “knowing” when one is “in love.”

 I remember a number of years ago having lunch with some co-workers and listening to one of the ladies at the table describe her frustration as she had recently tried to counsel her daughter upon being asked, “Mom, how will I know I am in love?”  After several failed attempts at provide her daughter with helpful information concerning the “signs and signals” she told her daughter she would “give it more thought” and “get back to her.”  She then asked those of us at the table how we would answer the question.  Several individuals provided encouragement and told her she was on the right track since “there is no one proven way” to make this determination.  Eventually, my silence became obvious and the question was put to me.  My answer, “Being in or out of love isn’t something one tries to know or figure out.  Being in or out of love is something one commits to.”  The former works off of emotion and feelings which come and go, the latter is deeper and richer, it works from commitment which does not depend upon external stimuli.  The latter says my love is not dependent upon circumstances; it is given because I have chosen to do so.  Such is the love that God has for us and ultimately the love a husband and wife should have for one another.  To enter into a marital or serious personal relationship without this understanding is always less of a relationship than could exist and frequently is an unviable relationship ending in brokenness and significant harm.

In February of 2013, I will have been married for 32 years.  My wife and I could never have made it this far if our marriage was built upon the feelings we first had when we held one another’s hand.  Not that we don’t still enjoy such simple pleasures, but we have moved to deeper and richer aspects in our relationship; a richness that can only come about through commitment, keeping our word/promises and learning to trust.

If you have children at or approaching the point in life where they are asking questions about love, or you know the adult who has never learned about or fears commitment, take the time to explain the difference between knowing and deciding if one is in or out of love.  It may make the difference between a relationship that is half full or broken, or a relationship that is filled to the brim and lived to the full.