Frequently, I hear individuals complain about the lack of responsibility and accountability on the part of another individual. In an odd sort of way, the person doing the complaining is demonstrating exactly what he/she is complaining about, i.e. lack of responsibility and accountability. You see, rarely if ever, does complaining resolve an issue.
What is needed are responsibility and accountability on the part of the person observing the lack of responsibility and accountability. This means teaching, instructing, coaching, counseling, disciplining, and even punishing, in other words hard word. The problem is that most individuals find it easier to complain than to do the hard work of teaching responsibility and accountability, which are all part of discipling.
As a manager in the work setting this means setting aside the axiom of, “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.” If this is the case, you will have to do your job and everyone else’s, too. There is a better way. Take the time to teach those you oversee how to do the task, function or process. If they get it wrong, don’t give up on the individual; provide remedial training, coaching, and counseling until they get it right. Then hold the individual accountable for proper work performance. Set a standard and hold the individual to it!
As a parent you have the arduous task of teaching responsibility and accountability to your child. Such character traits need to be forged in your child, it will not pass from parent to child by osmoses. It starts at the point when a child is capable of understanding your directions and performing or completing those directions. This means at a very young age and in simple ways at first. The directive, “Come here” is a very simple test. If the child stops, looks at you and turns and runs the other direction it’s time to teach responsibility and accountability. The instruction to, “put your toys away” is another simple check point example. Both of these are simple examples, but both illustrate the need for follow-up and follow-through on the part of the parent if responsibility and accountability are to be learned at an early stage.
One of the keys to helping the child to understand is utilizing the immediacy of the moment. Follow-up needs to be immediate and firm. NOTE: Don’t wait until you are angry to perform follow-up and follow-through, ultimately you will say and do things that are unhealthy and you will later regret. You will initially find that a lot of energy goes into this stage of teaching, but it will pay huge dividends down the road.
Take the time to correct immediately and you will find that you won’t have to spend enormous amounts of time and energy working through the messes that an older irresponsible and unaccountable child can create.
As the child gets older the teaching methodology must change in order to teach different aspect of responsibility and accountability. For instance, not everything that is required of you as an adult is required immediately. Some projects and tasks take time and learning to manage time (teaching a child not to be a procrastinator) is very valuable. This can be done by providing time limits to tasks or duties. Clearly explain to the child what needs to be done, the time frame it needs to be completed in, the reason why it needs to be completed in that time frame and the consequences of failing to perform the prescribed duty. Example: “Sharon, the trash needs to be taken out in the next 10 minutes (before we leave for work and school) so it doesn’t leave a foul smell in the house while we are away at work and school. If you don’t get it out before we leave there will be no TV tonight.”
Sometimes the consequences don’t need to be spoken but can be conveyed through other means. My oldest son, in his early teens, was starting to develop the habit of leaving his socks in various locations around the house. He was informed socks belonged in one of three locations, in his sock drawer, in the laundry hamper, or on his feet. Leaving dirty socks lay around for someone else to pick up is inconsiderate and unappealing. Still he persisted in leaving the socks in locations other than the three specified. So I demonstrated for him in very practical ways how obnoxious dirty socks can be when placed in unapproved locations. I started by placing his socks inside his pillow case. He found that to be humorous. I advanced to placing them in his school back-pack. When he opened his back pack at school, he was not amused, but he did get the message. From that point on socks were no longer left in the wrong place. Be creative with the corrective action.
The point here is that you cannot allow your child to develop habits in small things, because they will be habits in larger things, too. This is an area of child development that I recommend you “sweat the small things.” Don’t allow clothes and dirty dishes to be left lying about for someone else to pick up. It is inconsiderate on the part of the child to assume you will do the work for him/her. Have the child do his/her share of household cleaning. They share in making the mess; they should share in cleaning it up. Teach the child to do the laundry or at least fold it and put it away. Teach the child how to be self-sufficient. Have him/her fix his/her own lunch or breakfast. There is however, a warning at this point. If in teaching self-sufficiency you don’t like what, or the way the child is doing something, don’t get bent out of shape. How else is the child to learn? Provide guidance and suggestions and avoid the temptation to say, “Here, let me do that” or become critical of the effort.
Another area of responsibility and accountability that is often not even thought of as teaching responsibility and accountability is table manners. Teach the simple discipline of how to hold a fork, spoon and knife. Teach the discipline of using a knife to help food onto a fork, instead of using a thumb or a finger. Teach the discipline of using a napkin to wipe one’s mouth instead of the back of a hand or a shirt sleeve. Believe it or not, I have seen adults doing all of these things and more. These are simple things that make a significant impression when you are representing your company at a business luncheon.
Teaching responsibility and accountability starts by taking responsibility and accountability. Start with the small things in life and work up from there.
Both you and your child have a very short time together to teach and learn the essentials of responsibility and accountability. It is hard work but make it a priority anyway. Set the standards high, your child can live up to them if you teach him/her and let him/her.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
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