In any family good relationships are an essential ingredient to creating an environment that has God and his love as its core, so here are a few thoughts about relationships and relationship building and modeling.
*Model good relationships in the context of a good marriage.
§ Children will look first and foremost at the relationship a husband and wife have to determine first unconsciously and then consciously how to handle their own relationships. Study after study shows that children that have dysfunctional parents as a role model frequently grow up dysfunctional too. Jeremiah wrote it this way, “The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge.” (Jer. 31:29)
§ What children should see in a good marriage is mom and dad protecting each other from outside harm, which includes well intentioned grandparents/in-laws. They should also be protecting each other from harm from the children. As children get older they can become very hurtful told one parent or another. This must not be allowed to continue or take hold.
§ Children should see parents showing appropriate affection for each other. Much of a child’s first thoughts about intimacy will be formulated by what his/her parents are seen doing or not doing.
§ Always lift each other up in front of the children and others. In other words, don’t “bad mouth” your spouse in front of anyone.
§ Be in one accord. Don’t argue or fight in front of the children or others. If you have a disagreement wait until it can be resolved in private. It will definitely save you the problem of children taking sides. This is not to say that appropriate decision making shouldn’t take place in front of the kids. There is a time and place for children to see you work through differences without fighting and arguing so they are provided with an example of how to solve differences.
§ Be careful about employing “harmless teasing,” but have a sense of humor. Humor should not come at the expense of another person’s dignity and worth. There is enough to laugh about in life without having to demean another person, especially your own child or spouse. One should be especially careful in this regard when it comes to modern day entertainment choices which frequently revolve solely around disrespect for and diminishing of another human being.
§ Share your faith openly. Don’t be afraid to talk openly about your faith and love for the Lord Jesus Christ. Children need to know that the foundation of a Christian marriage is Christ. When they hear you expressing your faith and love for Christ it will help them know how to express it in their lives and how to employ in their marriage.
§ Have a gratitude attitude. Don’t spend your time at home “gripping and complaining.” Have gratitude for the work you have been blessed with, the home you live in and the food you eat. Gratitude is something that is sorely lacking in our society today. Show your children a different and better way.
* Model good relationships in the context of family.
§ Make sure you model teamwork in your household. Remember, there isn’t any household chore that is strictly one person’s responsibility. Have your children help around the house or out in the yard. Lessons about stewardship, care and consideration can all be taught through team work. For instance, preparing a meal isn’t only the responsibility of the adults. Everyone can and should help at some level; even if it is only setting a table or washing dishes.
§ Eat together, play together, work together and worship together. These functions will bind a family together in many ways. These functions will also set priorities in life. We should always be chasing after the next extracurricular activity.
§ Try to be both a teacher and student. There is much in life that you have to offer children. Share your gifts and talents in an encouraging and uplifting fashion. But don’t forget, children can teach you a lot too.
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In addition to posting comments on this blog, Jay Allen can be reached at the e-mail address of:
1bridge@earthlink.net
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