What's in a word?

Frequently, when discussing topics that require a bit more than minimal thought, or when the subject matter uses loaded language (language that needs to have a clear definition), it is wise to make sure that your words and terminology are clearly defined.  How important is this?  Dr. Walter Martin in his book, The Kingdom of the Cults, dedicates an entire chapter at the beginning of his book to the topic of “Scaling the Language Barrier.”  While it is not the purpose of this post to address cultic language, the importance of knowing the semantics of a particular discussion is vital to “carrying the day.”  Nowhere was this truer than in my discussions with my sons as they were growing up.

Kids have a language all their own, just as my parents did and I did.  If you are going to establish clear lines of understanding with your kids (even your adult kids) it is important to use the same language.  Failure to do so will lead to a lot of misunderstandings which eventually create hurt, distance, and broken relationships.

I like to tell the story from the first five years of my marriage (my wife and I have now been married 31 years).  On a regular basis during the first 5 years my wife would say, “You never put your clothes away.”  I would reply, “I always put my clothes away.”  She would say, you leave your clothes lying on the bed.”  I would say, “No I don’t, I hang my clothes up.”  Then both of us would walk away, frustrated, but convinced of our point of view.  Then one day it happened.  “You never put your clothes away.”  My response, “What do you mean when you say, ‘You never put your clothes away?’”  What an interesting thought.  When you read this, what did you assume putting “your clothes away” meant?  I had always taken it to mean when I come home from work I don’t hang up my clothes.  To my surprise, my wife said, “When I am done with the wash and I put your clothes on the bed, you don’t put your clothes away.”  The light bulb went on; we were talking about two different things.  When I told her what I thought she meant we both laughed.  Five years of misunderstanding corrected with one simple clarifying question.  I now put my clothes away.

Here is another example to illustrate the point of understanding the language being used.  The story is told of a small boy, 7 years of age, who comes home from school walks into the kitchen and asks him mom, “What’s sex?”  The mom, caught totally off guard by the question, instantly goes into a small panic.  “Oh my goodness,” she thinks, “I’m not prepared for this, I thought I had a few more years before I had to deal with this.”  But the question had been asked, so taking a deep breath and asking her son to sit down, the mom tries to explain in 7 year old language “the birds and the bees.”  After several minutes of explanation the little boy pulls out a piece of paper, places it in front of his mom and says, “Wow, how do I fit all of that into this small box?”

A simple clarifying question from the mom to the son would have helped.  What is that question?  “Why do you ask?”  It is a question that I learned to ask my sons before I ever answered the question at hand.

In addition to learning how to ask a clarifying question before I answered a question, I made sure to know the definitions of words or phrases I would use and still use.  Here are some examples:

1.         Love – Selfless commitment to another

2.         Culture – How one lives out that which one believes to be true.

3.         Worship – Honest reflection upon and response to who God is and what He has done.

4.         Character – Moral competence and ethical uprightness.

5.         Stealing – Trying to get as much as you can, while giving as little as you can.

6.         Being “spiritual” – “To know and do the truth.” (James Sire)

7.         Grace – 5 types: Common grace; Special grace; Prevenient grace; Efficacious grace; Sufficient grace.

8.         Justice – A perfect balance between guilt, innocence and accountability based upon truth

9.         Dogma – That which is an absolute (canonical) to the Christian faith.
            Doctrine – A formal position on a particular issue.
            Opinion – A point of view on a nonessential issue.

10.       Joy – The condition that results from the knowledge that God will and does keep his promise of salvation.

11.       Salvation’s 3 parts
A.        Justification (past) – I have been saved
B.        Sanctification (present) – I am being saved
C.        Glorification (future) – I will be saved

12.       3 levels of morality

            A.        Moral absolutes – That which God has command “Thou shall” or “Thou shall not” do.

            B.        Moral ambiguities – That which God gives general guidelines for and usually involves believer’s freedom and discretion.  (ex. drinking alcohol)

            C.        Morally benign – That which has no moral component to it. (ex. opening a door with your left hand instead of your right hand)

13.       2 types of Freedom

            A.        Freedom from (bondage)

            B.        Freedom to (do as we ought)

14.       Humility – Is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less

15.       Time = the existence of God

16.       Money – A resource provided by God to further his purposes here on earth

17.       Integrity – Consistency between words and actions

18.       Sin – The denial of truth (Kevin Van Hooser)

19.       Self Esteem – Is an outcome of appropriate works, not a cause of appropriate works.

20.       Peace – The tranquility of order

21.       Initiative – Doing the right thing at the right time without being told

Any questions?